So instead of the "Fat is Bad" belief, I've been of the "Processed foods and lack of exercise are bad" belief. And since those things, for most people, lead to fatness, then obviously fatness is a sign of unhealthy habits. Not all the time, not for everyone, but when you look at the statistics and average it out for a whole population, the fatter the people the more junk food that country is eating.
And you know what? I am not going to abandon that belief entirely, but what I am learning from Fat Acceptance is that it isn't the whole story. And, it isn't the fault of the people who eat the processed foods. Most people who eat mainly fast food or processed foods do it because they have no other options. Fresh food is expensive. I have been to grocery stores in poor neighborhoods, and trust me, in many of them, you wouldn't want the "fresh" produce anyway, even if you could afford it.
But our fatness isn't coming just from our food. It's coming from our relationships to food. And our relationships to food, the way we think and feel about food, are getting screwed up. Michelle the Fat Nutritionist calls us "dieting casualties." What she says in several blog posts and comments is basically that when people are told what to do, and told they are "bad" if they do the "wrong" thing, they rebel. Or they internalize these thoughts. So society tells us we're bad if we eat the cookie, and we're good if we eat the broccoli. So we go into these cycles of denial and rebellion, punishment and reward, until we can't hear our own bodies telling us what they really need. And we just get fatter and fatter. Or we become anorexic or bulimic.
So really it's trying to lose weight that makes many of us gain weight. I think at some points in my life I've actually been subconsciously trying to gain weight even when I consciously wanted to lose weight, since my subconscious kinda wanted to say "fuck you" to the world that kept telling me I should be hungry all the time, that I was bad and didn't deserve to eat things that taste good, that I was a failure who didn't deserve happiness until I could achieve a specific dress size.
So now I feel like I've finally started a journey towards eating competence. And it's kinda interesting. We just bought a whole bunch of fruit at the farmer's market. Those of you who know me know I'm not really much of a fruit eater, but now that I'm starting to take the ideas of "being bad" and "being good" out of my vocabulary when it comes to eating, I am realizing that yes, actually, I do like fruit. See, if eating fruit is viewed as "being good" by society, and my naturally contrarian personality makes me want to give the finger to society, then I'm gonna be eating potato chips even if my cravings say fruit.
I'm not sure where this journey will take me. I hope I get more energy, more happiness, and less insanity, worry, and anxiety about food. If I end up losing weight, then fine. If I end up gaining, that's fine too.
So, within my price range I found one dealership near us that had 6 cars that were on the Consumer Reports list of best used cars. We went there when Loren got home from work, and two of the cars from the internet were still being cleaned and checked out and stuff so they weren't available, and one additional one the guy showed me that I couldn't afford, and then back to the first one we'd looked at which I'd initially passed over because no power locks/windows, I test drove it and actually liked it a lot. A 2007 Hyundai Accent. So, I bought it. I've never bought a car before, and I have no credit history, and Loren had to cosign with me, and we still didn't get a great interest rate but I can afford the payments and it's a 3 year loan instead of a 5 year like the guy was trying to get me to get for a more expensive car.
And now I've barely slept because we didn't have an independent mechanic check it out so I'm all panicky that something major is wrong with it. It is still under the manufacturer's warranty which covers the transmission, drive train, and gasoline system, but what if it has electrical issues? Or leaky . . . whatever? Or the brakes are about to go? Or it needs new tires? And I know we should have had a mechanic look at it, but what mechanics are open at 9:00 at night? And how do you even take a car to a mechanic if you don't own it yet? So yeah, I'm all stressed out now, so I'll be calling a mechanic as soon as they open to see if I can bring the car for an inspection. But it's too late to not buy it, so I hope the car is in good shape.
So, ok, I vaguely remembered his former name, but still couldn't quite place him. And he was all "Um. We dated for a bit?" Then I was like, O.M.G. Did you also go out with Chelsea? Who was my best friend at the time? And you dumped me for her? And then dumped her for me? Like, a few times, back and forth? And you drove us crazy? And he was like "Um, yeah, sorry about that."
Yeah. He was totally the guy we did a Ritual over. Yes, with a capital R. All occult and spooky. We took his stuff, stuff he'd given us or left at our houses, and we took it down to the running track, and we sprayed it with hairspray, and we lit it on fire. And then the fire wouldn't go out. So we had to run and grab clumps of dirt to throw on it. Which was, of course, hilarious to us at the time, and went a long way towards getting over him. I'd remembered the Ritual, and how ridiculous it was, but I'd totally forgotten who the guy was.
So, we chatted, and I checked out some of his pictures, and noticed that one of my DragonCon friends had commented on it, and it turns out he's known some of my friends from 'con for years. I kind of wanna be all "Hey, did you know your friend drove me to the occult when I was 14?"
I thought it was kind of sweet that he was all contrite for having put us through all that. We were kids. None of us knew what the hell we were doing. All is forgiven.
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- Mood:fat
p.s. My heart is with you, Charlie Bear. *hugs*
